Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
