i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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