Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
as a side note pls kill me
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