yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
