What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
