Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
