There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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