Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
