i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
