I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
