Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
