Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
