My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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