i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
