gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
