I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
