belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
