He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
