I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
