So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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