I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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