So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
