i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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