How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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