I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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