DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
