You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
