I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
