I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
