imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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