I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
