i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
