Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
