With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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