I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
