don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
