I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
