I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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