What a fucking waste of an outfit
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
