I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
