Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
