Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
