my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
