you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
