Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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