Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
