you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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