I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
