so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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