Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
