Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
